After the Noise, Part 2: Unstuffing My Life
I didn’t set out on a healing journey.
I was just trying to get my blog working.
Fix my Pinterest boards. Figure out which images to post.
Do the work. Stay on task. Keep going.
And then something shifted.
Not loudly — but quietly. Quiet enough to slip past my guard.
This reflection is part of the After the Noise series — a quiet unfolding of what it means to return to yourself.
When Kindness Undoes You
I found myself crying in response to simple things.
Kindness. Permission.
Someone — or something — saying “It’s okay.”
And it wasn’t just crying.
It was undoing.
Because I’ve always been the one who holds it together.
The one who doesn’t show emotion. Who doesn’t let people in.
The Weight of What We’ve Learned
I was taught:
Don’t talk about feelings.
Don’t let anyone see the cracks.
Just bury it and keep moving.
The Pillow That Can’t Bend
That little swirl on the pillow? It’s mine — a piece of line art I made long before I knew what it meant. Now I do.
But I’ve realized… holding it all in, stuffing everything down, pretending I’m fine — that kind of holding? It becomes overstuffed.
Like a pillow so full it can’t bend. It’s not comforting anymore. It’s hard. Unbearable.
So I’m unstuffing.
Just enough to breathe.
Just enough to feel.
What Silence Teaches Me
I didn’t plan to feel this much.
But it keeps leaking out in unexpected ways.
I’m learning to let it.
I don’t always want to deal with any of it.
I sit in the quiet — music on, because silence can feel too sharp.
Biscuit — my rescue dog, Biscuit — not officially an emotional support animal, just my heart dog — the one who senses the shift before I do and stays close through it all [read more about her here] — is upside down on the couch (she’s not supposed to be there, but I let her stay).
My focus is all over the place.
Thoughts racing. Mind looping. Random tasks popping up like flashing tabs I forgot to close.
And yet — somehow — I still find a way to get things done.
Sewing helps. But only if the space is cleared completely.
I can’t start anything new unless it looks like I’ve never been there before.
Like I need to wipe the slate so clean that nothing reminds me I’ve tried and failed or stopped halfway.
But that need for control? It hurts in other places.
Like the food I forget in the fridge — gone bad because it wasn’t in front of me.
Or the plants outside that dry up quietly while I’m busy being overwhelmed.
If something’s out of sight, it vanishes from my care.
These systems I’ve built — the cleaning, the hiding, the compartmentalizing —
They work, until they don’t.
They hold me together, but they also hold me back.
Maybe healing means noticing that, too.
One Step at a Time
I think about how I’ve always gotten things done — how I could always zoom out, overview everything, plan every detail.
But that doesn’t work anymore.
Now, it’s one thing at a time.
One step.
Then the next.
The Risk of Letting People In
I don’t know where this leads.
I’m still hesitant to share any of this.
Letting people in still feels like danger.
But if I don’t — how am I ever going to heal?
Maybe this post is part of the unstuffing.
A Soft Ending (That Isn’t One)
Maybe someone else needs to hear this.
Maybe they’ve been overstuffing their own life too.
Maybe this is the part we never talk about,
the space after the noise,
where the quiet is uncomfortable, but also full of something real.
This isn’t the end of anything.
Just me…trying not to overstuff it this time.
A thread in the quiet: this piece is part of the After the Noise series. These words unfold slowly, one page at a time.
